Cherry Blossoms & Procrastination
Setting myself a measurable goal of writing one blog a month has been helpful for keeping me accountable. (Thanks, SMART goals!) The problem is I’m not sure if I’ll ever stop being a procrastinator. So, here I am on the last day of the month scrambling to finish a blog post like the parking police in their little tuk-tuks scrambling to meet their quota at the end of the month. This imagery is fresh on the brain because I got a parking ticket last week. 😑
I don’t know why I push things off until the last minute. Is it the overwhelm of just getting started? Analysis paralysis of not knowing where to begin? Fear of failure? Probably all of the above. Every year since I became self-employed in 2021 I’ve told myself that I’ll just do a little bit of work on my taxes each week so that when April rolls around (i.e. *~TOMORROW~*), I won’t be overwhelmed with all the work that goes into bookkeeping and filing taxes as a self-employed person. Every year I do a little bit in January and then save the rest until the end of March. And every year, my accountant (hi dad!) has to text me and ask if they’re ready to be filed yet (still no).
Why is it that my brain will physically not function until there’s a looming deadline to light a fire under my ass? It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. As a kid I would dilly dally in my room singing and playing with knickknacks when I was supposed to be cleaning it. Suddenly, company was coming over in an hour and I had to make a mad dash to the finish line, vacuuming, dusting, shoving things into drawers and under the bed. In college, I once forgot about an assignment and wrote an entire 8-page research paper 45 minutes before the due date (sorry to brag, but I got an A). When I started working in the corporate world, if I had an project that would require more than one sitting to finish (read: web design), I would push it off in favor of all the little things I could do to get a hit of dopamine from checking something off of my to-do list (read: write an email, create a social media post, make a deck look pretty). Now, if there’s something I’m dragging my feet on to start, I clean the house and call it “productive procrastination.”
I have read so many articles and books, and I’ve watched tons of videos on TikTok and Instagram about time management tips and tricks, and they all work for about a week or two and then they fall off my radar or stop working for me. I’ve talked to therapists, former bosses, and my career coach about this. It’s a habit I can’t seem to break. After reading up a lot about it, I’ve found that these are the common possible reasons for procrastination:
overwhelm with the scale of the task at hand
no incentive to get things done early
self-criticism and rumination about your own procrastination
lack of confidence in your ability to perform the task at hand, resulting in avoidance
negative emotions associated with the task
need for instant gratification
a symptom of anxiety or ADHD
And to all of that I say, “yep, sounds about right.” I’ve never been evaluated for ADHD but after learning about the symptoms and hearing from others who were diagnosed later in life, I have a suspicion that it might be beneficial for me to get an evaluation (another one of my 2025 SMART goals!). Even my writing style seems to scream hyperactive with a stream of consciousness that can’t help but interrupt itself with parenthetical interjections (here’s another one just to drive it home!).
All of this to say, until this morning when I sat down to write, all I had written for the month of March blog so far was “Occam’s razor, Virginia Woolf, Media about authors, writers, journalists.” I’ve been trying to make it a habit of writing down words, phrases, or themes that keep recurring in my life. After having never heard of the term Occam’s razor (or, at least, not remembering it), I heard it 3 times within a week from different sources (Scrubs, Severance, and James). It’s the principle named after philosopher William of Ockham that says that if there are competing theories, then the simplest explanation should be given precedence. For example, if someone has a headache, they are more likely to be dehydrated than to have brain disease. Or if you hear hooves in the distance, it’s more likely they are coming from horses than zebras. So if I’m always procrastinating, is it more likely that “I don’t wanna!” than I have ADHD? Maybe. But I’m having a hard time with the notion that I’m scared, lazy, or incompetent, which I’ve never known myself to be, so I’d really like to blame it on something else okay!!!
Virginia Woolf has also been mentioned several times this month in various contexts. Surprisingly, I’ve actually never read any of her work, but perhaps I should change that. She was known as a pioneer of stream of consciousness writing and was progressive for her time in terms of feminism, bisexuality, and pacifism. Not without faults, she still held some classist, racist, and antisemitic beliefs. She also struggled profoundly with mental health and ultimately took her own life. She seems like a complicated but interesting figure, and hearing her name mentioned several times within the month has me intrigued to learn more.
And lastly, many of the books I’ve been reading and movies I’ve been watching lately have coincidentally been about authors, writers, and journalists. I didn’t plan it this way, but it has been a common theme in the media I’ve been consuming. I wonder why I’m drawn to them. I never really saw myself as a writer, but I’ve been writing all my life. I still feel firmly planted in the “artist” or “graphic designer” camp, but I may start experimenting with more writing, or combining design and writing. It’s do enjoy incorporating hand lettering into my designs but maybe I need to explore this a bit more.
If I hadn’t procrastinated, I might have a nice way to tie all of these things together with a neat little bow. Oops! 🙃 But I’ll pat myself on the back for reaching the target of putting out this newsletter once a month. March was a good month! I’m looking forward to April as I’ll be going to Milwaukee to visit family and give my nephews some hugs in real life. After a somewhat quiet month, I’ll have a lot of social commitments coming up as spring really takes off.
Sending love from the sunny spot on my couch (it was sunny when I wrote this but I—shocker—procrastinated and now the sun has set),
Maggie
Business & Art Updates
I’m still loving the freelance life and confident that this was a good decision for me and my career! Here’s what happened in March:
Attended several networking events
Helped paint another mural at Amazon
Finished and hung my commissioned painting for Anchor & Bloom Cafe
Screen printed some tote bags with The Vera Project
Designed and screen printed some signs with The Vera Project
Hosted a walk club event
Performed in my first improv show
Went to the Seattle Art Museum, Belltown Art Walk, and a Keith Haring exhibit at MoPOP
Reached out to potential clients
Lined up a few more exciting projects for April
Did some junk journaling
Submitted some of my work to a call for art
Other things
March was a busy month with doctor and dentist appointments. It’s been a frustrating journey trying to figure out why my body doesn’t absorb iron, why I have arthritis pain, hip pain, and high cholesterol at 31—despite a pretty healthy lifestyle—and coming up short. I’m seeing the side of healthcare and insurance in America that’s failing. But I’m doing alright and getting PT for my hip pain! We had a fun St. Patrick’s Day weekend in Seattle but it will never be the same as County Clare Pub in Milwaukee.
